Don't know if I'll cover every one

Wow.

Is it my new contact lenses or what? No. stupid cheesy phrase.
Just watched the movie "No Strings." I think I really mess things up when puzzling Burmuda, although there was extreme obviousness. Some thoughts I keep to myself. Some thoughts I'd like to think about more. Other thoughts will have to wait another day to unravel.
I will randomnly say it has been so long since I've had movie theatre butter popcorn. I think I've been keeping up well with my diet lately, so a food splurge from time to time won't kill me.

Continuing with other thoughts..............

Always plenty of reasons to be anxious............

In thinking on general terms, even though I think some things have the potential to hurt my reputation a little (slutty rep), I really am happy and grateful for what is suppose to be the modern day dating perspective. A thing that is easier said than to try to explain with other experiences. Seriously, I know there probably are plenty of women who experience stockholm, but as in a general overall view of the rest of the population? How many people could to some comparison relate to my actual life and dating scene? Things get complicated. Despite some loud media attention, things are not always what they seem. Even in the media, things are not always eye to eye or of an agreeable perspective. Anyway, it is a thought that I have out there. I get a little bothered/disturbed/even scared of polygamy, swinging lifestyle, a serious but twisted not really seriously loving relationship..........
That being said, whatever reality is going on in my Burmuda, I give Ashton a said gratitude of being an influencer of how many different unique modern day relationships have an idea of looking like. In comparison, it really is less judgemental than other real life occurences .............

Other thoughts are political and out of this country.
First off is actually in relation to Italy. Silvio Berlusconi. Here is a recent article: http://feeds.bignewsnetwork.com/?sid=735273
Even though I am presently against being judgemental, I'll be a said devils advocate of being judgemental. This example is a reason of previous said fears of polygamy, swinging, and twisted relationships. He is Italy's ultimate leader. When there is serious competition in relation to love and relationships, that is Italy's ultimate example and leader to follow. Italy is known for some communism and tyranny although there may be some liberals. Think about the reality though. Do you really think the rest of the Italians will probably be in monogamous committed relationships? Do you really think the men would have a committed reflection? I seriously doubt it. Kind of like the old Bracelet "What would Jesus Do?" The Italian men probably wouldn't even give a second thought after the already long leadership to think of "What would Burlusconi do?" It is hard to imagine what the writer wrote when Berlusconi was going through his orgy saying: "Next one." It chills me. Of all the judgemental people in the world though and all of the reasons to judge a person. Especially when Italy points the finger at others for being "trashy," I don't break a sweat to say, you can have all the class in the world to say "next one," but still no character. In addition to my general begrudging, I am seriously mad at Unga Bunga. It was an innocent fun game my sister and I played as children. Some really sick and twisted individual perverted it into some stripper group. I am so disgusted at the idea and am even more disgusted at any perverted accusation of my sister and I.

I'm really not in the mood to talk about love or serious relationships right now. It is just a debate of thought.
If there is anything that can give my mind some alleviation, the Dead Weather has been a wonderful band to jam with recently. (no relation to parents either in "no strings." is some twisted pervert is going to throw another accusation.



But yeah. Another thought with the band is further elaborated thoughts with the news. I eventually want to find a man who will take me for worse or better. There is too much harassment and enough is never enough. I have been so fed up with all the sexual harassment. My new namecall and label is "that one must have the ideal Hitler body to achieve anything in this world."





Borat agrees!



Despite real life discrimination; I think Sacha is funny. Still a little confused with the latest Bruno (who I believe Medvedev secretely shares a connection too through rumor).

I'll just continue to say I have yet to officially find my way. the right way. Not sure if I've found the right one, but if it officially happens it officially happens.........................
Not just discrimination with men but discrimination in media in socialism and in workplaces and supposed job opportunities.

That was actually a lot to unload.......... I think I'll have to wait another day to share more thoughts.

Pre Talk

I have yet to see the last episode of Apprentice or even watch YouTube.

I've already "been fired," from the show, so no future surprises were really surprising. I feel I am experiencing more provoking and feuding though at the end.

I hate being on bad terms with people, but I feel the need to keep my ground and remain standing.

Extent is the keyword. Job description is another key word. This means that although I may be the loser, I still have boundaries and my own territorial view of myself.
I'm upset, because I think I've already experienced enough Tyranny and extreme issues of control where the word "boundary" seems to never had been read from a dictionary.
I know there is always a structural/systematic rule that was used against me for the fact that I drink and let loose.

It is what both makes me angry and even more disregarding. I am once again being manipulated in how to live my life.
No, I havn't even been to an office party nor even have partied with them outside of work. Setting is the factor. At my literal job, no. I still have yet to figure out this setting. But even at my literal job, I'm mostly anti social and still won't be told how to live my life outside of work.

I am not going to throw drinking and letting loose out the door just because some people want to use that against me for their reason of not being impressed.

I would rather just let them talk and simmer than change myselt to be a people pleaser, conform, or competitively up moral standards and feud over being a black sheep with people. I just don't roll that way. I live my life the way I want. People can be impressed or unimpressed.
After everything I have been through, I consider myself to have lost no ground. I know what I have experienced, I know the abuse, riggings, and manipulations I go through.
I still wish people would just admit that they don't like me and label me as a free thinker. They could even add on with other adjectives and adverbs. I'm just sick of either being set up to fail or called inadequate when I really think there is more to the issue than meets the eye.
The difficult thing is the varied and numerous groups I have been through. Not every group I have been through is the same. I still feel like a lot of people really do not know or understand me. I still remind so many others that we see the world differently. I do feel very rigged and manipulated in so many instances that I've lived through and that I have experienced additional abuse in a lot of situations. Again, it is what I decide of when how and who I want to express myself. There will always be exploiters who want to exploit every details. I will remind other people though that there is a difference between an exploit and a personal shared expression whether it is a sincere choice or forced way of getting me to talk.
So, how do I conclude? I continue with my life the way it is now. If I have to remind people of what my views are, or my up to date thoughts or opinions of things that matter, than I may say some things.
Until then, I press on to the future, and continue to look for ways to be more preserved, and throughout the tricks and trials, learn from my experiences.

Random thoughts of the day

Today really hasn't been that eventful, but productive enough.

Hmmmm. I'm looking forward on the continuation of my business. I continue to meet more people within my crafting network and am happy for my business to be a little more out there. Right now, money is too tight, so there is not a whole lot I can do. In the meantime, I spent a small sum of money anyway (which in my current budget is a lot) to take a class to advance my knitting skills. It is the basic mandatory class I need to take before the knitting instructor really wants me to progress onto other projects. There have been other ideas I have had in mind, but because of money and expenses, every single time her response is that I need to take the basic knitting class first. Anyway, I'm excited to both learn and get it out of the way so I can learn how to knit other things.

The next thought is yesterday's news with Kathy Griffin.
I feel that I do not deserve any kind of support, loyalty, offense, or defense from any branch of the military, but the troops booed Kathy anyway over a comment she made over Bristol.
While I may not be directly connected, I still appreciate it very much.
Thank you U.S. military and troops. Thank you for booing her.

I've already previewed some night time shows and I think I'm going to go with Letterman tonight. I see Conan is back on and Lopez is on at a later time. I may not be able to see the entire show of each of the shows. In my world and structure, even though I have a high hatred for human trafficking and past judgement, harassment, and blasts, I still have a spontaneous and observable approach to night time shows.
I think there is a lack of choice, privacy, level of control, level of chaos, but I deal with different things as it comes.

In another random thought, I invented a mixed drink tonight that I'll just call: ice cream drink. On a poor budget, I have limited liquor's and liquids at my parent's house. So, tonight's drink, I have some leftover ginger brandy from Thanksgiving that I mixed with some eggnog (which was really good). And my inventive drink of the night is the ginger brandy with some cream soda and milk. For people who read into things, I'm not trying to be perverted (with other catty relations I have observed before). But anyway, it really does taste a lot like ice cream. It is pretty good. It wouldn't be my favorite or first choice of a mixed drink, but its not bad for my own limited budget experiment.



Speaking of money, I really do hate my own life's limits, but as I live, I make the most with what I have. It can be so bothersome at times where I have felt like I have definitely had better prosperous days. I still look forward to the future while I make the best of what I have now.

Not enough Time in the Day

I really wish there were more time.
So much to say. Only some things to choose to write.
I feel I have gotten some things accomplished today, but just not enough time to do everything I need to do.
I wish I had more time to read some more twitter articles and blogs too. I think if some info is important enough, someone may find some way to reach me to talk about it.
Other than that, I feel like I do have some conversations sometimes.
Most conversations, still seem to be unresolved. I think some people are trying to use different strategies or sneaky ways to attack me for whatever reason, victimization game, or domination game. It usually falls under one of those categories where people usually try to blame me.

Anyway, I remain on my own and still like it that way.

I do pick up on some drama though where I am concerned with other people.
One situation I do not know how far some connections or matrixes may go. I only have one direct example whose names I will leave out.
I consider one person to be hateful, hostile, and to be straightforward, abusive. I question if he has sincere feelings toward me. I think his issues of anger may be bigger than any positive feelings he may have. And to add on, it is a dangerous situation and not something that I would feel safe in pursuing.
The other person who is involved puts me in a tough and undecided spot where I feel I have to choose one side or the other and meaning it in a platonic way. I think the other person wants to defend my honor despite issues or things he may have against me. I'm still very upset over the matter, but right now, I really feel the need to stay focused and very directive in my own personal life. I feel like I should take this person's side, in a platonic sense, and I am.

I don't have time to cover all of the drama.
I feel approached by someone to help another, and I hardly even know him. He is an obvious attraction, definitely a well-known attraction and ladies man. But the issue of distance is a factor, along with the factor that I don't really know him well. I would be willing and make myself available to give some kind of company or someone to talk to, but I don't know what he wants or how I can help him. I feel sorry for him.
I also think Russia may be wanting to use him to lessen my blows, harshness, anger, and arguments that I have against them.

There is some other drama going on that I really do want more details. The thing is the dilemma of it all. I'm a secretive person, and there are most likely numbers of people who are wrong in guessing what kind of drama I would want more details and story on. So, I will remain silent until I figure out some ways to choose my agenda.

So much attention yesterday

Where do I begin, I think I will talk about the magazine in a whole different blog.
As for yesterday's gossip and internet articles, it is another overload.
Gossip flies in wierd ways. Because it has been known of my stubborness and headstrongness, I think I have been pretty much back to back my entire life with numbers of people. Therefore, it is common for continued feuds of "you don't know me," and intentional dysfunction so that other people who may have a larger crowd will get away with their stalking and issues of competence.
Yes, being solo, it does have its positives and negatives. One of the negatives is it is much more difficult to recieve an honest and competent acknowledgement.
I continuously have to reassert myself to say I am queen of my own world. In some settings there is reasonable lines and job descriptions that I don't have a problem with. I plow through manipulations and communistic people none the less.
Yes, I have a serious issue with Bree. While we both don't know each other, because she is part of the bandwagon, she will always get the upperhand of the "you don't know me" fued, and it is expected that I will be at her mercy on ends of communication.

In picking up on another's gossip yesterday, I think she may have directed Bree at being a "best friend" in college and maybe even trying to fill in some puzzles that she must have some how been wired and systematically simmed in my college world somehow. I have seen some connections that possibly trail back to Sid even though I never even saw Sid in Oklahoma. The matrix has weird ways of working. Anyhow, I think somehow, people networked them to be involved in my college life. There were semi-relationships with guys that I went through that really weren't serious but moreso crushes or guys that I played games with. I have never considered Bree a best friend and even current gossip times "a lover." I think she did catch on to the whole horse thing that was commercialized by others and my anger against it. People honestly were trying to make me paranoid over the issue. I think because it was a failed attempt of some people's fantasy; they made me the scapegoat. It isn't surprising or unpredictable that they would. They knew I was offended, but in most ego fueds, my offenses usually aren't acknowledged. If they are acknowledged, they are acknowledged in a way where I am in some kind of committed crime, being a terrorist, or being some kind of hater in some way when there really is a more complicated story that gets extremely boxed.
Anyway, I blamed Jon the most. I said he, among other men have issues that I do not have a begging or slave mentality towards them. Because of it, they are trying to save their own ego by telling others that there is something wrong with me. Sometimes, it is "schizophrenia," (but I think they are learning most people no longer buy it). Oftentimes, it is that I must be a lesbian. There were other times though where some guys throughout life have presented themselves to "seriously care," and said that I was cheating on them with someone else. This is another example that I complain about the expectation factor. I have not, let alone, gone on a date or had opportunities to spend time in getting to know them or even feel comfortable knowing them in a normal way.
And, I also expressed my anger at Bree that she is not my mom and that I am still queen of my own world. She may have some roles in scattered manipulated matrix positions where she is the boss BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I GIVE MY LIFE TO HER OR THAT SHE OWNS ME. I think she among others do try to go beyond my borderline just to prove they can, and I have ridiculed them back to say that they only play with themselves. I have said that their manipulations really do not have much power or control in my life while with other people they may get away with it.

Sid, he stays mysterious as usual, but I am starting to pick up on an expected slave mentality he wants from me. If I do not get him; am on the same page; know what is going on in his life; then I'm the "stupid one." He is such a pig to have the nerve to call me "Rose" and at the same time expect me to know everything about him. Throughout my mixed feelings he has failed to see that I'm really not his constant stalking Rose. I guess I could be a little stalkish sometimes when I am seeking info to look out for my own safety. And sometimes, I am curious about himself. But, I am not his slave. I refuse to be "at his mercy." I reminded him that I am not part of his commune; that I have a mind of my own and can speak for myself.
To continue on with the idea; I toss aside the idea that Katie and I are twins. Maybe to acknowledge us as so brings about some peace to people and competitions that they can get in. But, I think it is sloppy, one-sided, cookie cutter, and lazy judgement to call my sister and I twins. Maybe if I were in a city there would be more sophisticated and open-minded recognition. But usually, when I am compared to my sister or shared systematically with other people, I continue to grow tired of manipulation.



Yes, I am obviously relating to shared feelings with this song. I am just altogether and have been sick of the system. Shared feelings only go so far. People have different values, cares, and so on after a vague or outer layer of onion commonality.

Bob, it looks like someone is threatening to murder you and maybe even confronting you on being a predator. It convinces me of more responsibility you must have for the chaos in my life. I also get convinced of other things. Because I don't know many details I don't know what to say. I'll draw more attention to you, but I have no comment. At this time, I choose to be silent.

Another connection in my world was the issue with the indoor boyfriend.
http://www.lemondrop.com/2010/11/18/have-you-ever-had-an-indoor-boyfriend/?icid=maing%7Cmain5%7C5%7Clink2%7C29256
I understand that people must somehow want to create structure and take out chaos by creating a setting that may make some sense. It does to an extent, but the truth is, I am still alone and untouched. I am not snuggling with anyone. I do not have a real life presence that is with me where we have plenty of spoken conversation. Yes, there are crazy methods of communication, but to see the picture like others do; I don't. I think it also could be a testing. In this instance, I am bothered by the questioning. Some people may see him as "obnoxious." Some people may percieve me as "uncomfortable and/or embarassed." But the truth is, I am appreciative of the manliness. It is something I would want. I don't understand how it is visualized or put together in my world. I may feel uncomfortable but I think it is an obviously uncomfortable situation and I do give appreciation at the work done to be protecting. Once again though, the trouble is I see a couple of different connections where even Sid may be trying to reach me and I don't really know who feels that way about me.


In other rumors, I think people want to inform me that my sister may have slept with Joe Flacco. I never understood Joe to begin with. I'm not really heartbroken, but it makes more sense as to why he would have hostile aggression against me. I still do not know what it is that he is trying to get at.

I already have given some feedback in other places I have been to some people. After being put in some kind of spotlight, I am sure that they somehow know how I feel, and hopefully the message comes across very competently and honestly. I don't quite understand the setting or how connections are made. More manipulation. And either kidnap talk or cheap talk. (In a kidnapped situation, feelings are always manipulated anyway).

I'll write a blog later on where I talk about the magazine articles. ........

A lot of random thoughts

Well today there are some things that are both fresh and not fresh.
I think I'll start with the not so fresh before the fresh.
First nonfresh issue is whoever is going through the psychologist/psychiatrist routine this time. It isn't that I am not interested in psychology. I love the magazine Psychology Today; but I see more sadism with the intent than anything else. Yes, me and other people experience depressive moments. What else is really new and what else havn't I really heard before? I do not need to be told how to live my life, as a matter of fact to the neglectful psychologist who forgets who the real problem is, I am very much more happy when I am my own boss.
Even though I think Sid is a Jekyl and Hyde right now and that our situation seems more surfaced and less mermish, I think I'm going to play a little defensive and loyal to him. I can't see who it is that is ridiculing him and trying to rub it in with some of his own misery that he has, but shut the fuck up. Whether he is man or monster, you really aren't solving anything, you're just being a bigotting harassing bitch that needs to just shut up.
Jon Stewart is also a non-fresh issue. He continously makes his own sadism and sick forcefulness more and more obvious. He actually has the nerve to be obvious about wanting some satisfaction out of me or wanting to care about the hate he has. I am once again getting pigeon-holed by his ignorance and hatred where he wants to label and demonize me more.

Onto some fresh thoughts.
I havn't forgotten how small I am and how big the media is, but I still choose to be opinionated regardless. I don't worship the media or declare the media as my ultimate truth or salvation, but I appreciate some support and defense that I get from time to time. I have fresh support with the Wall Street Journal. I really have brushed off namecalls of me being immature and little-girlish, but I give acknowledgement to remind other people who are so concerned what others think and the media thinks that Wall Street thinks "I am grown up in a Libertarian sense."
Anyway, I remain thick-skinned with maturity issue.
Speaking of maturity there is a person involved in my history who is not so fresh with predictability but fresh with current battles. Her perception of maturity is much different and even though I consider it sadistic for her to condescend me and another as children, I bring attention to the fact that other people have different perceptions of what it means to be mature. It is the different values in life that people choose to develop more and mature on. I wish I could reference the article, but I'm sure I wasn't alone in observing it. But to make lemonade out of it, I like to generalize the idea that a good maturity is choosing and deciding values and things that matter to a person and staying dilligent, committed, dedicated, consistent, and developing it to a significant degree towards things that matter to a person. It is sticking with something when the odds or for or against whatever the dedication is. Generally speaking.

I remain spontaneous and vague about my love life.

This is definitely fresh and intense:

30 Seconds To Mars - Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

I can't give a whole lot of feedback.
I can see how direct he is with his mind, but I do not quite understand his story in completion and who he identifies and defines as being who what where when and why.
"Would you kill another to save a life?"
He does call his band a cult. The video is obviously cultish looking. That is what makes it more intense and scary.
I do not know his cult beliefs. I think he even said somewhere in his lyrics something like "do you think you are so right that you would kill another person for being right?" It is so intense, direct, and scary I find it surprising that they would broadcast so much influence on national tv for any viewer to see. The funny thing is is that it is already censored.
He already has his drama clear in his world, but it is scary to see how much pressure he is putting on another.
There is no number given of how many should die. It is not identified of a particular person or group that should die. It is very direct though with the vex of philosophy: would you kill another for being right? What is it that he thinks is right? What does his cult believe? What is really going on in his world?

Artistically, the film is very sexy. Very sexy. I do not completely get his art of seduction and if it is just about the intimacy factor. Is it really a war of competition over intimacy? I think there is a better word but I can't think of it right now. I do not want to disclose my intimate turn ons and offs.
It is another thing I'm going to stay silent with.

VH1 Music Response

I have a couple of videos that I want to share my thoughts with

This song got my attention because it is such an abnormal shocker. I don't know if it is meant to be a comedy, or how seriously this art is taken. In either case, it is grotesque yet sad. There is probably more words to describe the art and lyrics. I don't know, but it is so modernly wierd that I had to share it. It looks like it could have gone in a cheesy 80s video, but that is what makes it interesting is that it is in 2010.

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This next song, I thought I'd share. One specific assumption of who the character is, I'm uncertain. I think there is always other connections and possibilities of catty games, so I do refrain a little. And, in addition, I want to keep my thoughts to myself and don't know enough. It is a story that needs more details for me to say anything.

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

This is a happy go lucky fun song. This is definitely a good dancing song or even cruising song.

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As much as I hate cats and am realistically allergic to them, this song is just too cute to deny:

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This song is definitely a new favorite song of mine: beautiful, mysterious, and so dreamy. (And I don't mean dreamy in a cheesy cliche way, I mean it like such a hopeful hearted fantasy).

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I do not know the producers or creators of this video, but I don't like it at all. I percieve it in a spiritual perspective and I don't like it period. I like to teach empowerment/solidness/independence but I think I may have been taken the wrong way and I don't like the extreme power trip or even hint at being the anti-christ.

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

I am definitely impressed with this song. Ciara's choreography is amazing and extremely energetic.
If sharing a connection with her, I am a little uncomfortable with how sexual she is. It just seems too exhibitionistic and expressive for me. She has an amazing body and is beautiful. There are plenty of other music videos that express sexuality, but I really do not like to be percieved so publicly sexually wild. I'm not crazy about some of the fashion. I like heels, but the heels she wore in the beginning I'm just not crazy for. I'm not against guyish fashion, its specific taste in some attire.
It is still a fun song, definitely something to dance to and cruise with.