Not clear

There really is not a whole lot of new things going on. I definitely have a lot of things to be anxious about and have been dealing with myself in my own time. I don't know how the future is going to be and all I can do is just stay calm.
I watched "The Apprentice," last night. I don't really have a lot of feedback. I am observing that in part of his stockholm, the show is being clingy with my past. In this instance though, it isn't really that serious and it is more of a laughing matter. I don't know if there is any more of an agenda to it other than just laughing or if there is something else that someone may be trying to prove. I do take it as a light-hearted instance, with the character name of "Dee-dee," and don't feel like I should feel threatened over it. As for other instances, there is still some things I am both unsure of and some things that are more obvious. I have nothing more to say. If I am being expected to say anything; I really don't know what is expected of me.
In other drama, there is a blur right now. I feel like somewhere out in the matrix; someone wants me to feel like they are holding me right now and are there. But, it is a blur who the real identity is who wants me to feel their comfort. It could be Seth who I have recently verbally attacked last night and we aren't on the same page as each other. How could he continue to keep undermining me with the pregnancy situation and assume that I'm ok with him?
It could be Jon where it is a completely different issue where he knows he is the one who is too violent and hateful and is backing down to be comforting and affectionate instead. He plays both characters of good and bad and throw out the concept of the cycle of abuse and to want to be affectionate and comforting anyway.....
It isn't that I'm forgetting my own drama; it is that communication on the other end of the matrix is not clear of what is going on. Some of my emotions can't be denied with some things that happen with some people but with the digital concept as a whole; I think the matrix gives itself too much credit for being: real, tangible, and "really here with me." Still not a new issue from before. I've always thought that way, but I've already known that I will never get everything done that is completely my way. It seems most of it is endless talk and compromising that doesn't lead to anywhere.

There is not a lot of other drama on my mind. Today is a typical Monday and a day where I already feel exhausted. Drinking a cup of coffee anyway and have a lot to do on my "to-do list."