Saturday Night Live

Going to have to use catty instincts. I had a couple of laughs today when I caught up on the show. It is going to be a little more awkward now with the ~fling~ that I had with Seth, but over time it won't be a big deal most probably......
I think it is Tim aka "Bongo Boy," and Chance Chapman that are there. I had a crush on both of them when I was at ORU. I think I got another random sign a few weeks ago with a video clip of a subway train with Tim being undercover in his own way. I think he pities me and his self but I also think he is around in the matrix because he wants to be there for me and hold my hand in a figurative way......
When I was at ORU, I think having a boyfriend or any relationship serious or not, to be one of the toughest obstacles. Most of the guys I had flings with in Oklahoma were not even in that school because it was that tough to figure out how to connect. I wasn't the ideal ORU honor code student. I went to clubs and so I met some guys both from places I worked and clubbing. I was seriously challenged at ORU to have a boyfriend. I think ORU is one of the toughest places to be challenged to be in a relationship with someone.
There is a bias from both men and women with their own lists of biased reasons:
-They are at the school for the education, not to be married. There was even a joke to "have a ring by spring."
-There are the regular Christian idealogies and bias that Christians even have with each other. Therefore, the chemistry is different and challenging. The chemistry isn't everything. There are high sexual standards that have a higher value with chastity and waiting until one is married.
-Besides people being focused on their own education, there is still a smaller amount of desperation to be in a relationship in the school's environment. It is the type of school where people do want someone who they feel is very compatible. (although some statistics have shown that ORU marriages have a high divorce rate. I think it is 50%).
-There are always a lot of mind games, but the focused mind games or themes during that time made it impossible as well. There was a strong encouragement and push for Christian women to be more feministic. Being either submissive or a sex object at that school especially for women was something that was seen negatively and constantly reminded against. Also, the book, "He's just not that into you," was a big hit during the time I was in school.
(The environment in this town is anything but that. I have yet to figure out everything. Sometimes it is caveman concept. Sometimes it is swinging or a Burlusconi concept. But with the way things are, it is difficult to say a specific concept of anything. Well, yes and no.)
-Before I was hit with so much confusion in capitalism, and besides so many other obstacles and impossibilites, I thought there were so many guys who seriously were out of my league at that school. I know I can come across as being arrogant myself sometimes, but some guys had the potential to be so intimidating. Not all of them were purposefully intimidating, but some I could just look and think to myself without hardly knowing them: "He is way too out of my league."
I was most depressed my senior year and left that school not caring that I was never engaged or married to anyone.

I did have a good time in getting out and living in a city for a few years. I had ups and downs but overall loved the experience of both the school and the city of Tulsa itself....
......Chance Chapman, back to him. He was a crush with a matrix connection that was too abstract/surreal. I could tell besides something going on with everyone, something was going on with that baseball team. There is a lot of detailed drama that I'm probably involved with that I don't know about yet. With how things were run, I definitely had an "MIA Paper Planes," attitude when I was at that school as well. I never understood the structure; I just know I despised and even sometimes loathed it. Maybe Chance is around to hold my hand too. I don't really know the drama that is going on with him. I did have a few laughs though. He is one of the people that was being puppeted to me a few times. Him, and bobble-head Dane Towelry. It was impossible to make any relational connections on my end. It was one-sided in its own way. They kept me entertained and threatened. I could see them as cavemen or their own version of Christian-Arab human trafficking/ male-order bride men. They weren't the only ones who came across that way. Those two and Shawn Shaffer and Eric Hanson could have all inspired the movie "Atonement." Now, it could be Tim and Chance who don't want to figuratively be the dying soldier at the end. Some guys just seem to mysteriously drop off a cliff without any ending and some just remain mysterious cats. I couldn't say I have the same intense emotions, but I could say I have a friendly care-free mindset right now. In my emotional state, I could change any moment.