Short and Sweet

I'm upset that some ppl aren't dropping the gossip with you having HIV/AIDs. I really don't assume you do, but I hate that I have to ask you again if you do? I know I have my own "Spanglish" where having AIDs is more along Kelly Rowland and Ludacris's "Representing," song. People have never comprehended how damaged I get when the man I want lets others take charge of the relationship while I am invisible. I know I will always have enemies, haters, and tormentors who have never stopped thinking my life is their business for them to rule, reign, and make MY CHOICES. I have never stopped making sick jokes out of the relationships I've been in with some men, because who were the men ever trying to kid in letting others get ahead, call the shots, judge, and make the decisions in the relationship. Violent unwilling threesomes that I will never forgive some men for in keeping me underestimated and subjected. I hate Jon Stewarts guts with everything I have in me. He has always been the most guilty. It upsets me when other's identify you as Jon. Like I've already said, you have not yet made the worst impression on me than Jon has. You seem to be warm and full of good vibes. At times, I feel left in the dark and like you are too mysterious. I want to get to know you more other than finding out about some of your acting history. ...... If you literally have HIV, I'm sorry to hear that. I wouldn't mind being your friend or giving you company during the times you feel alone or when life is too hard. If it is all Spanglish, "Representing" is one of my dreams.... Still a combination of Zooey's "Why do you let me stay here," and desire of "Representing." ..... xoxo (I'm going to be ebaying some of my crafts soon and would appreciate if you helped me advertise)xoxo

Land Bought

David, where do I begin? I guess I'll start on your end..... I saw the Back to the Future hint. While being the voice of "Stuart," was something I could guess, I wasn't sold on that idea until further pushed into it. I saw the other actor too. What a loud way to confirm you're really in my mind. The dominance of it can be so scary and intimidating at times..... I don't always know what to believe. Some visuals and talk in my head is something I've always questioned. What to believe, how much to believe, and is it really coming from a certain person? I have a feeling that Parkinson's disease is a made up disease where it is more about some sort of nuclear (would warfare be a correct way of putting it)? I don't always remember some messages in my head. How fair, reasonable, official, and set in stone are some conversations really? Is it fair or right to treat it as normal conversation or a real official relationship? Do you understand what I'm trying to get at?.........Stewart. shaking my head, Stewart. I will always see him as a violently judgmental, prejudiced, foul-mouthed man who was way to extreme of a pig and cold blooded man to ever comprehend just how cold-blooded he was. He is on my bad side in the most extreme way for life. Although I feel somewhat betrayed with you by this; I don't understand why I don't feel seriously and extremely betrayed by you. I still have a sense of trust and comfort in you. I know you can get dominate and on the violent side without me understanding your violence or just how violent you are.... You look like you pick me more when it comes to "bro's before hoes." I am relieved about it. I need you. ... You and me in terms of relationships. I really don't know how much I am being played by you. It isn't that we don't have any kind of acknowledged relationship. I've noticed the other acknowledged relationships and it is making me flip. You haven't come across as too much of a juggernaut or chauvinist yet. I know the big celebrity you are, and the way it is, the more famous and rich of a celebrity, the more impossible it feels. It is easier to expect a certain level of faithfulness out of a man at certain periods of time with some men more than others. I hate getting stuck on a man where it feels like his faithfulness will never be possible. I just can't stand the heartache of it. I've had to withstand some heartache for so long already and I hate the way I feel I can never get a break to have a normal and faithful relationship with someone. ................ On my end, like I was telling that one dude from last night when ending up as a stripper, I became a stripper like I don't care. I was too judged, dogged, lied about, and harassed of a person who was pushed over the edge way too much to care about being a dancer. I know we are talking about the chatroom more than the place I work. I honestly don't make that much money in the chatroom. Sometimes, it is my own cheap thrill in seeing how far I can make it in credits and working to earn a higher commission. The bases of comparing the chatroom to the strip club are structured a little different. While there is actual person contact during a lapdance or something; there is no person contact online. There is no real touch. The performers can do a little more than just dance, I know. I also know I have no real or serious feelings for anyone there. I do have some regular customers that I carry regular conversations with. I don't even remember everyone, and with all the other performers, I'm sure they won't always remember me. While it isn't always a lot of money, it is a little extra money outside of the club. We're not playing games with each other as much anymore and you're going in for more land. The more serious it is, the more different of an outlook and available approach I have. I guess if you could watch me on it, you're not thrilled at the idea of other mostly men watching me with you... (looking down). I'm sorry David, I never meant to threaten you. I was just trying to make a little extra. I am going to be mad if you never come around after becoming more possessive. I am going to be mad if you continue to lead me on if you have no further agenda or intentions. If I do believe you are starting to cheat on me, or continue to cheat on me more, I may cheat back by getting back on it. I guess it depends on you and what it is you seriously want. You have a piece of my monopoly board bought on this one. I will buy it back if I think you are cheating. ..... Until then, I guess I'm going to have to let myself feel a little more taken of a woman. I have plenty of magazines to read.

David: The Ongoing Game

Where do I begin on this one? I'm sorry that I once again have to say "I'm sorry," for another small cheat. Sometimes, I am out to have fun or be expressive in whatever way and I really don't always mean to lead a man on and I seriously wasn't meaning to lead Tom on in this most recent instance. LIKE YOU'RE NOT CHEATING AND STILL PLAYING THE GAME WITH ME. You've led me on long enough and have been in my head enough WHERE I DO COUNT IT AS CHEATING. You initially have given me the impression you seem to be more in a more serious objective than having a player's objective. Although I feel like I'm fading into you more, you still don't completely have my trust because of the way you are keeping me played with 2 other women that I can see. ...... I am picking up on your personal 50 shades of gray dominance in the head and as long as it is only about our sex and jealousy, I am mostly comfortable and fine with it thus far. It hurts some when you keep me turned on so much and I know I don't completely trust you. You're not convincing me of your love enough...... About the whole transvestite remark: It offends me. I am not going to be laying my life down for transvestites in general because I fear being called prejudiced. It offends me when people want to treat me or say I have the characteristics of a man. It makes me feel like an ugly freak. I know I saw the Scarlett character in minions and the sellout transvestite fan she had because that's just how much "he loved and obsessed over her." Whether or not you know how under dogged by Jon I was in being called a transvestite I was under dogged that much and mostly because I knew he knew I wasn't going to suck it for him in the most extreme way if my life depended on it. To me, it looked like an under dogging gang rape. If it was a minions scene and your 50 shades of gray punishment and crack of the whip, I can get over it. BUT I'M NOT FORGETTING JUST HOW LOUD YOU WERE ABOUT CALLING ME A TRANSVESTITE. You're not being loud enough with your love for me in another way. I am keeping watch over your volume of love and hate and how it looks not just to me but in front of everyone else. If you keep staying loud with the way you want to humiliate me and not loud enough with your love, I AM NOT GOING TO STICK AROUND. I can't stand being under dogged like that any more and just because you are a more worthy Don Draper doesn't mean that I will let you get away with it. This roller coaster love game is starting to take a toll on me. I hope you put me out of my misery more than what you have soon because I can't stand being too distressed. Woo me and convince me into you more. xoxo