Dear Jon

I have yet to catch up on some of the shows from last week.
I'll start with last night's before I get into other talk. There have been some things you have already interrogated me with from different angles leaving me feeling confused. My feelings are still hurt over it. Nonetheless, because there is a further elaboration with sluts and cunts, I'll put my 2 cents in. I technically could be called both but I would probably be called a cunt more than a slut. I've even said "thank you," for being called a cunt. It really does take a load off of me when people do say it. I really would rather people admit that I'm a cunt and person who isn't liked than either pick at me with whatever the agenda of their slave labor is or desperately make me out to be an inadequate person that amounts to nothing. I'm not really out to be called a cunt. Sometimes, I think my life would be a whole lot easier if there were more people who liked me. It would take another load off if people did like me. With how people have been, it has been impossible in every which way to try to get along with some people. The place it matters most is the workplace and getting a job. Jobs can vary with decency and especially in this area there are not a lot of decent jobs. Still, I think some people expect way too much out of me in even the simplest minimum wage jobs. I really do hate it when some employers would use it against me that I am a cunt. A workplace is a workplace to begin with, not meant to be a social setting. I hate the social expectations some workplaces have the nerve to have. I think it is the right thing and mature thing to do to accept diverse personalities and the fact that some people just aren't liked. I don't think that just because a woman is a cunt or even a man that isn't liked doesn't deserve to be fired just because they aren't the most popular. I understand in the more decent jobs with higher pays, there is some competitive expectation to have popularity. I still stick with: Fuck you Dean Martin for making the song "you're nobody until somebody loves you." Then after people attack and interrogate you to death, they want to complain that you don't have enough energy. I hate even having to say that because I do want to give a chokehold and starve out the people who are hypercritical of me rather than them feed their arrogant egos because they will always take it in an arrogant way.
On the other end with the slut label, this is where you come from different angles. I think Maggie and I have a share at the person Limbaugh is attacking and I still hate having a share with her. I also got the vibe that you would also connect me to Limbaugh for me to be attacking her. It kills me to know that you are bullshitting my name and killing me for Maggie. You're killing me. I obviously can't see Maggie's trash talk. For me, this is just another example where I think she is being a pig by trash talking my name to have control over me and damn my life in the desperate number of ways she has kept trying to damn my life. When I have the share of the victim with her, I really don't care that I'm being called a slut. I really don't care. It isn't a huge issue to me. If you're Putin and Limbaugh, you give so many emotional mixed signals that you have so many attacks that make no sense when all summed up in the end. If it is from Putin, I wouldn't understand how his culture would be of an effect to me. I don't want to further explore that right now because I already have enough problems to deal with....
Back to just you and me.... You have always given me a lot of mixed signals. Even recently I've felt attacked by you and I'm still not understanding what is going on with you. You are testing me in a number of ways and attacking me in a number of ways and even giving mixed signals. You just aren't making a lot of sense right now. I really do get upset over the times you hurt me and attack me and I've asked you nicely to stop. I've even made more effort in trying to look hot for you. Sometimes, you seem attracted and other times you give me the impression that you don't even want me to try to be or look hot for you. Maybe your trying to say that there is nothing I can do to control you either. Well moreso it is ok for it to be one-sided for the control issue for you to have more freedom than me. I'm not understanding you.
Regardless of whatever mindgame you could be playing or whatever or however you could be being serious with, I may eventually find a man one day who finds me very attractive. I could still make effort to look hot for him all the time even if you want to attack me over looks. There could be a man out there that my attractiveness is good enough for. I still get hit hard sometimes with: if there was a man, he would have found me by now. Besides rigs and some predictability set up to be intentional or not, I havn't completely given up. Sometimes, I am simply too depressed to care.