~Just lie to me~ lol no.
I did look up the word "arbitrage," just to let you know. If this isn't a matrix message from you with your Mr Smith being Mr Gere, than I don't know. Maybe it is part of a love triange or arbitrage of one. How could you guys just sit there and look at each other in such an objective way? (I don't know the entire number of people) (If I am included, it definitely feels like an objective contest) (I'm still sobbing on the inside despite more pain from this)(I also see you more as Peter Pan with the "risk free" part being counted as true. ahahhaha I laugh at my own jokes.
I didn't completely read the entire chapter of Stewart's economics of the day, but I do get the gist of arbitrage. You better deny that I'm a hooker; I was going to take it back to Peter Pan anyway. I know I have that name marked somewhere else, but Peter Pan can be taken in a large number of ways. I have a lot of Peter Pan "careers," out there as well as nevermind. It can just be taken in a lot of ways.
Life is ok and right now is another fickle moment where I want to be guarded and open at the same time. I can only take so much and while you call yourself "risk free," you really have the potential and have already done a lot of damage.
I really don't have much else to say now...............
Monday, March 19, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Dear Jon
Another hit. This really wasn't surprising but still a blow. We have had several different social connections through the years and you blast it all with: "some sort of lottery scam or fraudulence." In other words, you put it out there that you were under the impression you were talking to someone else: the Kardashians. Wow. With so many things you juggle, it looks like your biggest gut choice is to go with faschism. It is decieving and fraudulent that you give me the impression that you really are talking to me.
You did have a Greece skit not long ago that I have rolled my eyes at before with someone else and I guess you have some seriousness but not with the same ending. Well gee, I'm not popular enough or whatever for you. OMG. I never claimed to be wealthy or a supermodel. Despite their modeling careers, I still could care less at what the Kardashians think of me; they don't have my respect. I like Khloe as a person in some ways but I would still say I don't know them that well or am that close.
That was so mean to say that. You talk with me and make me laugh (and give hell) through all these years to all of a sudden say that I'm not popular enough for you? You led me on and you know it. I hate the underminement of the prankishness when it was you and other people that came across we were on good terms and that I wasn't such an unpopular or fraudulent embarassment to be around. You asshole. I've known your an asshole but you seem to be making your own skyscraper of being an asshole. I really am your fool though although I'm not at your fashist popularity standards. I was a fool to a lot of people but I seriously think I'm too damned in this town. Something is seriously going on with communism where I am an overly damned person. I never even started any popularity contests. You already know yourself I've been around and with people that sort of have the same status. Not always exact but you get the gist. I hate the way I am being made a victim to the prankishness. Seriously. wow. wtf?
You did have a Greece skit not long ago that I have rolled my eyes at before with someone else and I guess you have some seriousness but not with the same ending. Well gee, I'm not popular enough or whatever for you. OMG. I never claimed to be wealthy or a supermodel. Despite their modeling careers, I still could care less at what the Kardashians think of me; they don't have my respect. I like Khloe as a person in some ways but I would still say I don't know them that well or am that close.
That was so mean to say that. You talk with me and make me laugh (and give hell) through all these years to all of a sudden say that I'm not popular enough for you? You led me on and you know it. I hate the underminement of the prankishness when it was you and other people that came across we were on good terms and that I wasn't such an unpopular or fraudulent embarassment to be around. You asshole. I've known your an asshole but you seem to be making your own skyscraper of being an asshole. I really am your fool though although I'm not at your fashist popularity standards. I was a fool to a lot of people but I seriously think I'm too damned in this town. Something is seriously going on with communism where I am an overly damned person. I never even started any popularity contests. You already know yourself I've been around and with people that sort of have the same status. Not always exact but you get the gist. I hate the way I am being made a victim to the prankishness. Seriously. wow. wtf?
Dear Jon
I have yet to catch up on some of the shows from last week.
I'll start with last night's before I get into other talk. There have been some things you have already interrogated me with from different angles leaving me feeling confused. My feelings are still hurt over it. Nonetheless, because there is a further elaboration with sluts and cunts, I'll put my 2 cents in. I technically could be called both but I would probably be called a cunt more than a slut. I've even said "thank you," for being called a cunt. It really does take a load off of me when people do say it. I really would rather people admit that I'm a cunt and person who isn't liked than either pick at me with whatever the agenda of their slave labor is or desperately make me out to be an inadequate person that amounts to nothing. I'm not really out to be called a cunt. Sometimes, I think my life would be a whole lot easier if there were more people who liked me. It would take another load off if people did like me. With how people have been, it has been impossible in every which way to try to get along with some people. The place it matters most is the workplace and getting a job. Jobs can vary with decency and especially in this area there are not a lot of decent jobs. Still, I think some people expect way too much out of me in even the simplest minimum wage jobs. I really do hate it when some employers would use it against me that I am a cunt. A workplace is a workplace to begin with, not meant to be a social setting. I hate the social expectations some workplaces have the nerve to have. I think it is the right thing and mature thing to do to accept diverse personalities and the fact that some people just aren't liked. I don't think that just because a woman is a cunt or even a man that isn't liked doesn't deserve to be fired just because they aren't the most popular. I understand in the more decent jobs with higher pays, there is some competitive expectation to have popularity. I still stick with: Fuck you Dean Martin for making the song "you're nobody until somebody loves you." Then after people attack and interrogate you to death, they want to complain that you don't have enough energy. I hate even having to say that because I do want to give a chokehold and starve out the people who are hypercritical of me rather than them feed their arrogant egos because they will always take it in an arrogant way.
On the other end with the slut label, this is where you come from different angles. I think Maggie and I have a share at the person Limbaugh is attacking and I still hate having a share with her. I also got the vibe that you would also connect me to Limbaugh for me to be attacking her. It kills me to know that you are bullshitting my name and killing me for Maggie. You're killing me. I obviously can't see Maggie's trash talk. For me, this is just another example where I think she is being a pig by trash talking my name to have control over me and damn my life in the desperate number of ways she has kept trying to damn my life. When I have the share of the victim with her, I really don't care that I'm being called a slut. I really don't care. It isn't a huge issue to me. If you're Putin and Limbaugh, you give so many emotional mixed signals that you have so many attacks that make no sense when all summed up in the end. If it is from Putin, I wouldn't understand how his culture would be of an effect to me. I don't want to further explore that right now because I already have enough problems to deal with....
Back to just you and me.... You have always given me a lot of mixed signals. Even recently I've felt attacked by you and I'm still not understanding what is going on with you. You are testing me in a number of ways and attacking me in a number of ways and even giving mixed signals. You just aren't making a lot of sense right now. I really do get upset over the times you hurt me and attack me and I've asked you nicely to stop. I've even made more effort in trying to look hot for you. Sometimes, you seem attracted and other times you give me the impression that you don't even want me to try to be or look hot for you. Maybe your trying to say that there is nothing I can do to control you either. Well moreso it is ok for it to be one-sided for the control issue for you to have more freedom than me. I'm not understanding you.
Regardless of whatever mindgame you could be playing or whatever or however you could be being serious with, I may eventually find a man one day who finds me very attractive. I could still make effort to look hot for him all the time even if you want to attack me over looks. There could be a man out there that my attractiveness is good enough for. I still get hit hard sometimes with: if there was a man, he would have found me by now. Besides rigs and some predictability set up to be intentional or not, I havn't completely given up. Sometimes, I am simply too depressed to care.
I'll start with last night's before I get into other talk. There have been some things you have already interrogated me with from different angles leaving me feeling confused. My feelings are still hurt over it. Nonetheless, because there is a further elaboration with sluts and cunts, I'll put my 2 cents in. I technically could be called both but I would probably be called a cunt more than a slut. I've even said "thank you," for being called a cunt. It really does take a load off of me when people do say it. I really would rather people admit that I'm a cunt and person who isn't liked than either pick at me with whatever the agenda of their slave labor is or desperately make me out to be an inadequate person that amounts to nothing. I'm not really out to be called a cunt. Sometimes, I think my life would be a whole lot easier if there were more people who liked me. It would take another load off if people did like me. With how people have been, it has been impossible in every which way to try to get along with some people. The place it matters most is the workplace and getting a job. Jobs can vary with decency and especially in this area there are not a lot of decent jobs. Still, I think some people expect way too much out of me in even the simplest minimum wage jobs. I really do hate it when some employers would use it against me that I am a cunt. A workplace is a workplace to begin with, not meant to be a social setting. I hate the social expectations some workplaces have the nerve to have. I think it is the right thing and mature thing to do to accept diverse personalities and the fact that some people just aren't liked. I don't think that just because a woman is a cunt or even a man that isn't liked doesn't deserve to be fired just because they aren't the most popular. I understand in the more decent jobs with higher pays, there is some competitive expectation to have popularity. I still stick with: Fuck you Dean Martin for making the song "you're nobody until somebody loves you." Then after people attack and interrogate you to death, they want to complain that you don't have enough energy. I hate even having to say that because I do want to give a chokehold and starve out the people who are hypercritical of me rather than them feed their arrogant egos because they will always take it in an arrogant way.
On the other end with the slut label, this is where you come from different angles. I think Maggie and I have a share at the person Limbaugh is attacking and I still hate having a share with her. I also got the vibe that you would also connect me to Limbaugh for me to be attacking her. It kills me to know that you are bullshitting my name and killing me for Maggie. You're killing me. I obviously can't see Maggie's trash talk. For me, this is just another example where I think she is being a pig by trash talking my name to have control over me and damn my life in the desperate number of ways she has kept trying to damn my life. When I have the share of the victim with her, I really don't care that I'm being called a slut. I really don't care. It isn't a huge issue to me. If you're Putin and Limbaugh, you give so many emotional mixed signals that you have so many attacks that make no sense when all summed up in the end. If it is from Putin, I wouldn't understand how his culture would be of an effect to me. I don't want to further explore that right now because I already have enough problems to deal with....
Back to just you and me.... You have always given me a lot of mixed signals. Even recently I've felt attacked by you and I'm still not understanding what is going on with you. You are testing me in a number of ways and attacking me in a number of ways and even giving mixed signals. You just aren't making a lot of sense right now. I really do get upset over the times you hurt me and attack me and I've asked you nicely to stop. I've even made more effort in trying to look hot for you. Sometimes, you seem attracted and other times you give me the impression that you don't even want me to try to be or look hot for you. Maybe your trying to say that there is nothing I can do to control you either. Well moreso it is ok for it to be one-sided for the control issue for you to have more freedom than me. I'm not understanding you.
Regardless of whatever mindgame you could be playing or whatever or however you could be being serious with, I may eventually find a man one day who finds me very attractive. I could still make effort to look hot for him all the time even if you want to attack me over looks. There could be a man out there that my attractiveness is good enough for. I still get hit hard sometimes with: if there was a man, he would have found me by now. Besides rigs and some predictability set up to be intentional or not, I havn't completely given up. Sometimes, I am simply too depressed to care.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Random thoughts
Back to just my life personally......
The baby's birth is coming soon. I have less than a month to go and am so anxious and excited. I basically have everything I need. My room is almost ready for the baby. Anxious over the to do list I havn't checked yet, but getting prepared day by day at leisure. And this instance isn't a rude leisure of course. I have yet to make a baby cd. She has been kicking a lot and her kicks are getting a little harder. Not too painful but I feel so stretched. Although I feel I've gained a good bit of weight; I feel like my body is too small or skinny and I should have put on a few more pounds prior to being pregnant to be more body ready. I'll probably lose weight quicker though with how I am now after the pregnancy; I just feel so stretched.
With the tax money I got back; I do have some kind of relief in my life. Not a huge difference but still a little bit of relief. I think I've made up my mind with how I'm going to spend the rest too. I really do hope I have better luck finding a job when I start looking for work again. I still continue with crafts on the side.
And speaking of........ I have finished making a brand new bag design. I really don't care whether or not I copy another bag pattern, but this bag I can say I put together on my own. Only the frame of the structure didn't turn out right. I'm thinking of figuring out if I could put some kind of wiring or cord in it to give it better form, or some other strategy where the form looks like it is supposed to. I'm making one more just like and think I will try a different technique to this one where maybe the finished form won't look as bad. After these two bags, I'm probably just going to make a few more pricier and detailed ones before I start making an inventory of cheaper stuff. I've decided to drastically reduce prices with some crafts and have already figured out new crafts to make with reduced prices as well. It is a new experiment that I hope works out. I'm also not going to make too many of the crafts from last year that didn't sell. I'll probably have drastically reduced prices as well and if the supply and demand ever goes up enough; I just might try some of the crafts again. I'm learning my own personal business experience through time.
I'm also excited because I have decided that I am definitely going to sign up for a festival in the fall. I havn't decided which one yet. I had made a list before of ones that I would be interested in and it had actually turned out to be a large list. I still have one local festival besides the flea markets, but I will probably go out of town this year and try other ones. That will be a learning experience too: which festivals will work and which won't. I still know its not enough to have out of a living and I really do hope I find a job. If I end up really going for being a stripper if too much time runs out and I get desperate; then I just may have to do that. I still havn't figured out how I'm going to work out a plan. I just hope I find a job.
In other thoughts..... nothing is really new. I did sign up for a local running team and have been anxious to hear some news back from them. I probably won't run a marathon until June, but it is another thing to be anxious about and look forward to. ~The Queen City Striders~ That name was interesting to learn especially with the "Ain't nobody going to break my stride song." I don't know if they really got that name from the song, but sometimes it is a nice pumped up self talk song. I still like the song but I won't be in denial about the communism and tyranny that I've really lived in. I'll eventually find more pumped up songs.
The baby's birth is coming soon. I have less than a month to go and am so anxious and excited. I basically have everything I need. My room is almost ready for the baby. Anxious over the to do list I havn't checked yet, but getting prepared day by day at leisure. And this instance isn't a rude leisure of course. I have yet to make a baby cd. She has been kicking a lot and her kicks are getting a little harder. Not too painful but I feel so stretched. Although I feel I've gained a good bit of weight; I feel like my body is too small or skinny and I should have put on a few more pounds prior to being pregnant to be more body ready. I'll probably lose weight quicker though with how I am now after the pregnancy; I just feel so stretched.
With the tax money I got back; I do have some kind of relief in my life. Not a huge difference but still a little bit of relief. I think I've made up my mind with how I'm going to spend the rest too. I really do hope I have better luck finding a job when I start looking for work again. I still continue with crafts on the side.
And speaking of........ I have finished making a brand new bag design. I really don't care whether or not I copy another bag pattern, but this bag I can say I put together on my own. Only the frame of the structure didn't turn out right. I'm thinking of figuring out if I could put some kind of wiring or cord in it to give it better form, or some other strategy where the form looks like it is supposed to. I'm making one more just like and think I will try a different technique to this one where maybe the finished form won't look as bad. After these two bags, I'm probably just going to make a few more pricier and detailed ones before I start making an inventory of cheaper stuff. I've decided to drastically reduce prices with some crafts and have already figured out new crafts to make with reduced prices as well. It is a new experiment that I hope works out. I'm also not going to make too many of the crafts from last year that didn't sell. I'll probably have drastically reduced prices as well and if the supply and demand ever goes up enough; I just might try some of the crafts again. I'm learning my own personal business experience through time.
I'm also excited because I have decided that I am definitely going to sign up for a festival in the fall. I havn't decided which one yet. I had made a list before of ones that I would be interested in and it had actually turned out to be a large list. I still have one local festival besides the flea markets, but I will probably go out of town this year and try other ones. That will be a learning experience too: which festivals will work and which won't. I still know its not enough to have out of a living and I really do hope I find a job. If I end up really going for being a stripper if too much time runs out and I get desperate; then I just may have to do that. I still havn't figured out how I'm going to work out a plan. I just hope I find a job.
In other thoughts..... nothing is really new. I did sign up for a local running team and have been anxious to hear some news back from them. I probably won't run a marathon until June, but it is another thing to be anxious about and look forward to. ~The Queen City Striders~ That name was interesting to learn especially with the "Ain't nobody going to break my stride song." I don't know if they really got that name from the song, but sometimes it is a nice pumped up self talk song. I still like the song but I won't be in denial about the communism and tyranny that I've really lived in. I'll eventually find more pumped up songs.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)