This weekend was a weekend of cooking. That was my gift after my mom bought the ingredients for me to make the food. It was a success and a failure. My cranberry cream cheese muffins were a success. Everyone liked them. The potato soup was a failure. I ended up burning it not realizing that potato soup doesn't simmer or roast; it has to be stirred occassionally. Better luck next time. Besides the burnt taste, the rest of the recipe was pretty good. Today, I am making a white chocolate torte dessert and this broccoli rice and cheese casserole. Other than burning the first batch of white chocolate, the finished dessert turned out the way it was supposed to. I just simply had to make another batch. We havn't had dessert yet, but with the prior taste test, it is very rich. It has cream cheese, but not it isn't a cheesecake. I have yet to taste the brocolli casserole. Mom is cooking the rest of the dinner with turkey and potatoes, but the stuff I made uses a little more work than other side dishes. So many sweets. If I turn up with the pregnant diabetes on my next appt. I really wouldn't be surprised.
I really didn't get a whole lot this year and that is ok. Money is still tight, but I will cross the bridge in several months when I look for a job. I got what I asked for: a glider. It is like a rocking chair, but it glides. Despite, the technicalities, I still like Dolly's rock-a-bye rocking years song.
No, I don't have a man and I know I don't have to have D's to sing along with Dolly, but this is one country song that I have to put on my like list.
Thinking of all of that drama, I'll only say so much of my drama today. A full-fledged "As the Sarah Turns," can be written another day.
In the usual unfair way which is now a cat and mouse game; it is still on. The idea of being enemies doesn't matter. Well, it does in its own way. I still hate that it is capitalist like this, because I hate the idea of a large number of guys getting the credit. It is only 2 that I definitely know with the cat and mouse. My interpretation? A covered caveman setting where he is strutting around like the cave man and saying: "Yes, you bitch woman. You are the bitch." It is a psychotic mixture of sillyness with violence. I'm just thinking to myself. Ok, today, just for today, you win. You caveman, me bitch. I don't even know how seriously he takes himself as the caveman or how seriously he takes his cave. I really don't know if he is thinking ahead with anything. But, if I find out how seriously he takes his cave, I'll eventually make my own plans.
I don't have any plans today. I've already been bored for the longest time with sitting around in this house all day every day. I definitely have some plans for next month to learn to knit both an adult size and baby size sweater. I am also going to get started on a blanket which is going to take a whole lot of time. The pattern really does look like a big challenge. I have yet to learn socks, mittens, gloves, and fingerless gloves. I'm also thinking ahead towards the summer. I have some new ideas in mind and plan on lowering my prices with some things, but until I do find a job, I'm going to have to be thinking of some good ideas. I have a few new bag ideas and a few new hat ideas. There is also another book I want to buy that has really stylish shirts that I would want to wear for myself.
One other plan this week is getting my roomed cleaned and organized in the best way for more space. Big project. I also have a birthday in just a few days. Busy weeks for the next 2 weeks. I'm not complaining though, I'm sick of being bored.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Going to have to cautiously elaborate
This is more of a brain storm than anything. I can't see exactly where the interrogation is coming from or know exactly who everyone is that is involved. I wish I had more confirmations and explanations. I wish I had a lot more information than what I have to work with.
This is part of a brainstorm and part of key people. A bridge cannot be officially crossed without me knowing the specific information to give an official answer.......
Which lady do I want to start with?
I have seen some catty info going around the digital world. I am appreciative of Tyra in having a good stance up against however many a number of the Kate's and Katie's of the matrix.
I took a little bit of a further glance today and it is starting to clash.
I am not answering to my sister or any Kate whatsoever, this is between the interrogator and I. I am also going to have to empathize with Selma Hayek as well. Years ago around 2003 or so, she really did have a good way of brushing me off. The key word is years ago. I do appreciate the support of Selma and Tyra, but I will deny the representation to be officialized of where I am right now.
I don't care how rigged I am, I will never see my mind as being inferior to my sister's. I'm not really after an intelligence contest, this is about possessiveness as a whole. My sister is not the only person who is responsible of wanting to be possessive of me.
Erin Wyer has all the official titles and reality of life with anyone. I don't care how many or what actual contests she wins; I will never be a possession of hers. I will never be subjected to her. There is a possibility that this is life threatening for me to refuse to be her slave. After everything that has happened, I would believe it, and I think it is an awful shame.
If this is about any particular guy in my life, I don't know if this is between the interrogator and I, or whoever the guy is and myself? I don't know which guy we are talking about here. It could be the baby's father. It could be a John who is associated with Erin that I don't know. It could be Jon Stewart. There is a possibility that there could be more guys that I'm up against in this. Again, not all lyrics match me and snowflake philosophy will always be the top frame of my mind. In the game of the sim world, Lily Allen "It's not me, it's you," is the better representative than "Freida Kahlo." (reminder that not all lyrics match).
Yes, I had an emotional breakdown years ago. However to this day, I am not responsible for everything I have been buried under since then. I am not responsible for the greed, corruption, and slave laboring agendas that other people have put forth. There are so many things that I am not responsible for at all. I may have some information that is unconfirmed or that I don't know about; BUT I AM NOT INADEQUATE IN THE WAY THAT I AM BEING FRAMED OUT TO BE.
On dangerous ground now......... I know I'm not the only one to suffer from depression. I know I'm not the only one who has been made to suffer. Of so many psychological and emotional issues, I have a sick rage of the hypocrisy, one-sidedness, piggishness, denial, and judgemental mentality from others in it all. If I knew who was looking at me, I probably would want to gut out whoever the judge is. It is best to stick with Jared Leto and keep me blinded on this one because this is a rage that I hate to have and would love to get rid of.
I hate that it has to be like this. I hate the idea of bickering to the death and to have to constantly be back to back with whatever number of predators I have in my life. Yes, there already has been a lot of things that I have lost. To whatever person who wants to beat me into submission, I will not accept the Freida sim and I will not accept defeat. I would consider to whatever, "Prince," I have in my life, that it would be a loss and too severe of an unnecessary compromise on my end to give into whatever prince and be the "Frieda Kahlo."
Princes, I will give you some satisfaction, that through the years, I have felt the seduction with the demanding abuse. There is some sexiness, but yes, you really are being too demanding.
I have respect for Selma for understanding the strength in the "Frieda," role and also understand the sacrifice that people sometimes have to make in being loyal. Loyalty and faithfulness are very closely related. They are values to be valued. I am not married to anyone and while I do yearn for someone to have a shared loyalty and faithfulness with as a marriage should be, it is demanding too much from me too soon.
I have not forgotten the heartbreak of how I lost it. It does not define my entire being, my future, or who I am as a person. All it was, was a moment and dark time in my life. Not all lyrics match, but the intensity of the music really reminds me of the times I've been in the hospital. It is serious, it isn't a joke. Sometimes, people don't get the satisfaction that they want. I know I wasn't literally on my death bed at the time, but I know the pain and the effect that it had on my reputation and how people would see me after. Again, this moment does not define who I am.
Where I am today? I have several people that I rock and sing it with. There has been so many inspirational songs that I have acknowledged. Penelope is a good connection with the stranded island for now. I feel damned and not defeated. I am waiting for a lot of things and still going to wait for opportunities in the future.
This is part of a brainstorm and part of key people. A bridge cannot be officially crossed without me knowing the specific information to give an official answer.......
Which lady do I want to start with?
I have seen some catty info going around the digital world. I am appreciative of Tyra in having a good stance up against however many a number of the Kate's and Katie's of the matrix.
I took a little bit of a further glance today and it is starting to clash.
I am not answering to my sister or any Kate whatsoever, this is between the interrogator and I. I am also going to have to empathize with Selma Hayek as well. Years ago around 2003 or so, she really did have a good way of brushing me off. The key word is years ago. I do appreciate the support of Selma and Tyra, but I will deny the representation to be officialized of where I am right now.
I don't care how rigged I am, I will never see my mind as being inferior to my sister's. I'm not really after an intelligence contest, this is about possessiveness as a whole. My sister is not the only person who is responsible of wanting to be possessive of me.
Erin Wyer has all the official titles and reality of life with anyone. I don't care how many or what actual contests she wins; I will never be a possession of hers. I will never be subjected to her. There is a possibility that this is life threatening for me to refuse to be her slave. After everything that has happened, I would believe it, and I think it is an awful shame.
If this is about any particular guy in my life, I don't know if this is between the interrogator and I, or whoever the guy is and myself? I don't know which guy we are talking about here. It could be the baby's father. It could be a John who is associated with Erin that I don't know. It could be Jon Stewart. There is a possibility that there could be more guys that I'm up against in this. Again, not all lyrics match me and snowflake philosophy will always be the top frame of my mind. In the game of the sim world, Lily Allen "It's not me, it's you," is the better representative than "Freida Kahlo." (reminder that not all lyrics match).
Yes, I had an emotional breakdown years ago. However to this day, I am not responsible for everything I have been buried under since then. I am not responsible for the greed, corruption, and slave laboring agendas that other people have put forth. There are so many things that I am not responsible for at all. I may have some information that is unconfirmed or that I don't know about; BUT I AM NOT INADEQUATE IN THE WAY THAT I AM BEING FRAMED OUT TO BE.
On dangerous ground now......... I know I'm not the only one to suffer from depression. I know I'm not the only one who has been made to suffer. Of so many psychological and emotional issues, I have a sick rage of the hypocrisy, one-sidedness, piggishness, denial, and judgemental mentality from others in it all. If I knew who was looking at me, I probably would want to gut out whoever the judge is. It is best to stick with Jared Leto and keep me blinded on this one because this is a rage that I hate to have and would love to get rid of.
I hate that it has to be like this. I hate the idea of bickering to the death and to have to constantly be back to back with whatever number of predators I have in my life. Yes, there already has been a lot of things that I have lost. To whatever person who wants to beat me into submission, I will not accept the Freida sim and I will not accept defeat. I would consider to whatever, "Prince," I have in my life, that it would be a loss and too severe of an unnecessary compromise on my end to give into whatever prince and be the "Frieda Kahlo."
Princes, I will give you some satisfaction, that through the years, I have felt the seduction with the demanding abuse. There is some sexiness, but yes, you really are being too demanding.
I have respect for Selma for understanding the strength in the "Frieda," role and also understand the sacrifice that people sometimes have to make in being loyal. Loyalty and faithfulness are very closely related. They are values to be valued. I am not married to anyone and while I do yearn for someone to have a shared loyalty and faithfulness with as a marriage should be, it is demanding too much from me too soon.
I have not forgotten the heartbreak of how I lost it. It does not define my entire being, my future, or who I am as a person. All it was, was a moment and dark time in my life. Not all lyrics match, but the intensity of the music really reminds me of the times I've been in the hospital. It is serious, it isn't a joke. Sometimes, people don't get the satisfaction that they want. I know I wasn't literally on my death bed at the time, but I know the pain and the effect that it had on my reputation and how people would see me after. Again, this moment does not define who I am.
Where I am today? I have several people that I rock and sing it with. There has been so many inspirational songs that I have acknowledged. Penelope is a good connection with the stranded island for now. I feel damned and not defeated. I am waiting for a lot of things and still going to wait for opportunities in the future.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Random Thoughts
What a day. What a day.
I did see the movie "New Years" today. I bet that movie was made in Wisconsin.
I really don't know what to believe anymore about a lot of people. It is something I have already said. I will say this though: I think it is nice that someone would make effort to either cheer me up or keep myself distracted and given some kind of sign that I am cared for or to forget the bad stuff. I'm still not sold on anything. It is nice that someone would throw some game out there or have some of my predators confused.
I really wouldn't mind if there were some kind of scene instead to have connections with other mothers who are in a similar circumstance as I am. I really wouldn't mind it being acknowledged that I'm not the only woman in the world who is single and going through an unplanned pregnancy. I know there are probably a number of folks that would look down on me. I don't care. Instead of some women being put in the frame in a negative way, why not be more accepting of it?
I do have times of loneliness and it varies to whether I enjoy being single or not. I really would have a preference of being in a relationship with someone while being pregnant or during times that I was ever pregnant. Sometimes, life happens and preferences don't. There will always be opposing groups no matter what happens in life. In this instance the group would be hard on coupling and relationships. It is like single boot camp. I operate independently either way and know personally for myself what I want.
I'm not being too hard on myself for going through my emotional phases. I know I am going to sometimes have a hard time sitting still and not being anxious. I deal with it; I know I'm human.
Seth and Ashton are the two most obvious that are in the spotlight. Stacy's spotlight isn't denied either. With the four of us being put together like this (2 and a half men including), I have to ask: what question is being begged? What is it I am missing? I deny that I'm on any good terms with Stacy. I don't know if Seth or Ashton is really being an asshole to say she is another woman I should be subjected to or be expected to beg because I am supposedly "inferior" to her. Again, this isn't about me being the boss of saying who to love, this really is about slave labor. I question the real motive of the "cheeriness," of the movie. Not sure about the Katherine Heigle character or who she is representing or what this is entirely about. I thought it was nice of Aasif to be there.
I did just have to laugh though when everybody asked: "Who is going to be at Times Square?" I thought it was funny anyway. Is this some more cheese to me with: Be there or be square? ahahhahahahahahaha that was funny.
I have other thoughts on my mind too but I'm just sticking with the subject of this movie and leave my other thoughts for another day.
I did see the movie "New Years" today. I bet that movie was made in Wisconsin.
I really don't know what to believe anymore about a lot of people. It is something I have already said. I will say this though: I think it is nice that someone would make effort to either cheer me up or keep myself distracted and given some kind of sign that I am cared for or to forget the bad stuff. I'm still not sold on anything. It is nice that someone would throw some game out there or have some of my predators confused.
I really wouldn't mind if there were some kind of scene instead to have connections with other mothers who are in a similar circumstance as I am. I really wouldn't mind it being acknowledged that I'm not the only woman in the world who is single and going through an unplanned pregnancy. I know there are probably a number of folks that would look down on me. I don't care. Instead of some women being put in the frame in a negative way, why not be more accepting of it?
I do have times of loneliness and it varies to whether I enjoy being single or not. I really would have a preference of being in a relationship with someone while being pregnant or during times that I was ever pregnant. Sometimes, life happens and preferences don't. There will always be opposing groups no matter what happens in life. In this instance the group would be hard on coupling and relationships. It is like single boot camp. I operate independently either way and know personally for myself what I want.
I'm not being too hard on myself for going through my emotional phases. I know I am going to sometimes have a hard time sitting still and not being anxious. I deal with it; I know I'm human.
Seth and Ashton are the two most obvious that are in the spotlight. Stacy's spotlight isn't denied either. With the four of us being put together like this (2 and a half men including), I have to ask: what question is being begged? What is it I am missing? I deny that I'm on any good terms with Stacy. I don't know if Seth or Ashton is really being an asshole to say she is another woman I should be subjected to or be expected to beg because I am supposedly "inferior" to her. Again, this isn't about me being the boss of saying who to love, this really is about slave labor. I question the real motive of the "cheeriness," of the movie. Not sure about the Katherine Heigle character or who she is representing or what this is entirely about. I thought it was nice of Aasif to be there.
I did just have to laugh though when everybody asked: "Who is going to be at Times Square?" I thought it was funny anyway. Is this some more cheese to me with: Be there or be square? ahahhahahahahahaha that was funny.
I have other thoughts on my mind too but I'm just sticking with the subject of this movie and leave my other thoughts for another day.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Dear Seth
Where do I begin.
I have always been confused with the system. I still havn't caught on to exactly what the rivalry is with you and Steve, but it looks like you both have a share of Burlusconi. I used to think Steve on SNL this past week looked a little like Richard Roberts. Anyway. I do not understand the Burlusconi system. If I could guess, it would be a large orgy with women where you love them all for a certain and same reason. I question if you represent yourself too, or represent several men. I don't know how far the "orgy" thing would literally go or if it is figurative. People have said that I look Italian, but I do not consider myself part of the culture like that. Anyway, Seth I told you, I am so emotional right now. I can't handle being jealous with so many other problems I have. I can't handle being in the game. It is awkward to be in the game to begin with.
I feel a lot of vibes from you: affectionate, coldness, some undefined anger, some mystery, some lust, and confusion. I watch and observe the system sometimes and notice the physical characteristics including the facial features of people. It can be confusing, and shocking, and almost sci-fi sometimes. I am highly convinced that you can hear and see me personally. I don't know what all you see or how much of me you see or hear. I am a little embarassed. Other times, I don't care. I don't get your complete gist yet, but when you brought up Whitney Houston, I felt you were confirming you can hear me. We aren't on the same page and you still aren't answering my question of how I was relating her to me. Anyway, back to facial features of who you look like.........
Of course you don't look like a literal fox, but I have a hunch of the Disney symbolism with who you are making a connection with. It is depressing. There is a chemistry but it is depressing. I usually don't consider myself very judgemental; right now, I have no other choice. I'm also upset at another possible local connection you could have with someone and if you are sincerely making rips about my body. I know I'm no literal supermodel, but I think you're being unreasonable. I don't know if it is a rejection or what.
With the fox symbol, you seem interested but it also seems I don't have you that much and you may have an agenda that I don't know about and are keeping your loyalties to someone else. I don't even know how many girlfriends you have.
With still having some awared emotions, I don't want it to look like I'm begging while talking to you. I'm not begging. I have some partial apology but not. I don't remember everything that happened in the past with SNL. So much media: shows, movies, magazines, the web. It really is asking too much of me, especially while I have no real job, to expect me to know everything and pay attention to everything. While you are part of a group that isn't new, you as a person are new. There could have been a lot of connections and wiring that you have made that I wasn't paying attention to. Maybe you never tried to make a connection before. I don't know everything I missed out on with you.
I do have a surface level humor with some things on the show, but I don't know how much you and the other writers are going beyond the surface: who is playing the roles. the complete gist of either a person or an entire scene. Sometimes it seems like it is a random conversation out of the blue and beyond the surface, I don't know what the writer is trying to say. I'm not alien to all scenes, but there are some scenes that I really don't know how to take.
I have always been confused with the system. I still havn't caught on to exactly what the rivalry is with you and Steve, but it looks like you both have a share of Burlusconi. I used to think Steve on SNL this past week looked a little like Richard Roberts. Anyway. I do not understand the Burlusconi system. If I could guess, it would be a large orgy with women where you love them all for a certain and same reason. I question if you represent yourself too, or represent several men. I don't know how far the "orgy" thing would literally go or if it is figurative. People have said that I look Italian, but I do not consider myself part of the culture like that. Anyway, Seth I told you, I am so emotional right now. I can't handle being jealous with so many other problems I have. I can't handle being in the game. It is awkward to be in the game to begin with.
I feel a lot of vibes from you: affectionate, coldness, some undefined anger, some mystery, some lust, and confusion. I watch and observe the system sometimes and notice the physical characteristics including the facial features of people. It can be confusing, and shocking, and almost sci-fi sometimes. I am highly convinced that you can hear and see me personally. I don't know what all you see or how much of me you see or hear. I am a little embarassed. Other times, I don't care. I don't get your complete gist yet, but when you brought up Whitney Houston, I felt you were confirming you can hear me. We aren't on the same page and you still aren't answering my question of how I was relating her to me. Anyway, back to facial features of who you look like.........
Of course you don't look like a literal fox, but I have a hunch of the Disney symbolism with who you are making a connection with. It is depressing. There is a chemistry but it is depressing. I usually don't consider myself very judgemental; right now, I have no other choice. I'm also upset at another possible local connection you could have with someone and if you are sincerely making rips about my body. I know I'm no literal supermodel, but I think you're being unreasonable. I don't know if it is a rejection or what.
With the fox symbol, you seem interested but it also seems I don't have you that much and you may have an agenda that I don't know about and are keeping your loyalties to someone else. I don't even know how many girlfriends you have.
With still having some awared emotions, I don't want it to look like I'm begging while talking to you. I'm not begging. I have some partial apology but not. I don't remember everything that happened in the past with SNL. So much media: shows, movies, magazines, the web. It really is asking too much of me, especially while I have no real job, to expect me to know everything and pay attention to everything. While you are part of a group that isn't new, you as a person are new. There could have been a lot of connections and wiring that you have made that I wasn't paying attention to. Maybe you never tried to make a connection before. I don't know everything I missed out on with you.
I do have a surface level humor with some things on the show, but I don't know how much you and the other writers are going beyond the surface: who is playing the roles. the complete gist of either a person or an entire scene. Sometimes it seems like it is a random conversation out of the blue and beyond the surface, I don't know what the writer is trying to say. I'm not alien to all scenes, but there are some scenes that I really don't know how to take.
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