Random Thoughts, and Dangerous Burmuda Man

If there is any wind I can catch right now, it is really wanting to run a marathon. I've been hesitant with a marathon tomorrow because of the weather, but I am deciding to pass on it. I have still donated but have to skip the race. It would have felt better to run, but I can't run in a colder and rainy weather like that. Along with my daughter I have a mild asthma that I know will spike. There are more marathons to come, but I hate when I say to myself: "there goes another marathon." …..Burmuda Man Brock Cop....There are just quick blink and miss moments I think I see sometimes. I can't always hear or see everything. The message I am given is very blotted. I'm still not sure if Brock and the Cop are one or two people and this is another reason why I am in such an agitated anger. Cop, I'll make another part of your UNFAIR RUDEASS DRONE quick and simple. If there was any man you need to protect me from, it is "the father of the virgin suicides." He is found in many and needs to be treated to the abusive, tyrant terrorist that he is. I hate being forced to be molested and called incapable. If there were any more criminal of a man, that tyrant molester is the biggest criminal. When I talk about the arbitrage of Goat Man too, he is very similar in some ways, but it isn't that he is a molester like that. Goat Man has some recognition to give. I become more of a statistic to my pain day by day, but it isn't drugs that I am looking for. When I talk about Goat Man, he really is another psychological terrorist. He is a dominant tyrant man who has his violent mind set, and when I refer to goatman it is a man who makes a woman scream because he has such a serious dominant mindset wanting to overtake his victim. I know in the movie, it appeared him as a drug lord more than anyone, but with me its more about the psychological terrorist he is and Brock Cop, that is why I put you in his category in some way anyway without you being the fairest of them all...… SPEAKING OF FAIRNESS. I would like to believe Brock and the cop are the same in some ways but its almost like they are two different people. YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU DO TO ME WHEN YOU ARE UNFAIR. Brock, I was still calling you a drone in some ways, and extremely cold and scary you were in those times, but you are the one who talks to me in real life. You or the cop has breaking in my head AND SERIOUSLY GIVING ME ANOTHER MESSAGE. Well, not entirely, it is a sex addiction you are forcing me into, but I feel more of a kindness and respect. Its like Brock was giving me a confirmation one night, but if you are continuing on with me Brock, you ARE LIVING IN TWO SEPARATE AND UNFAIR WORLDS. You are still in my square one and deserve to be treated like a muslim with the rest of everybody. You just don't understand what your unfairness does to me. I love it when you make me feel you are holding me and giving me light caresses in some ways. I love that you understood something simple: not anything is fair with anyone. I love and hate that you are forcing me to have a sex addiction for you. But when you won't have me to my face and in person, it is such a null and void with everything. I am a sad woman who can't beat the number of sadists in my life. I don't understand your will to care. I need more of a connection. I need more than sex. Right now, I am more inclined to go out tonight and keep myself distracted despite the terrorizing odds I have in my life right now. I can't win and I can't lose in going out. Part of me wants to push myself in finding someone to sleep with. It would be nice if you did come my way Brock Cop, but if you will always be this unfair mean drone hovering over me and giving yourself too much of a dominance, it will eventually be much easier to push myself to go home with someone else. Right now, the sad victim of a song I have in my head is Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock "Picture," because you've been on my mind all week. I want to be over you but you won't stop keeping me.