Random Thoughts of the Day

I'm getting my mind prepped a little more for this weekend. Man, I hate it when I have to wait to do something. I know if I make a regular job out of this, I won't always be so anxious to get to work, but for now, I hate that I had to wait my plans out more. It is another "it all depends situation for me." How the club goes, how much money I could be making, how the traveling could work out. This is an easier travel, and that's for sure. It is just like, I could just jump up and go out right now, but I can't just yet. I have to wait for Saturday to get there. I'm that much more ready this time than last time. I have a definite name picked out, and several back up names if I'm feeling something else. I have a longer list of personal preferential music. I have also been working on my stretching. I wish I had a place to get some more pole practice in. I hate this period of waiting though right now. I have an impatience and I want to get this done and decide if I want to keep working more.............. Man drama..........It is like I know some random love interests are out there sometimes, but the radar and mapping is much different. I have a feeling I am still being seen on the radar more than I can see, but it really takes more than some radar communication to make things happen or work. I really did hate when I had not only an easy to see radar, but additional programs to play along with. (still wondering whatever kinds of relationships that was supposed to be) There is a little distal anxiety, but I know my solitude and isolation can pay off sometimes. Some people aren't always available and I'm comfortable in that because I feel more freedom in that. I don't feel like someone is trying to control both ends of the relationship, and I don't feel as much as a slave. (Except with Jon and some occasional random other creeps who are out to murder or want to be murdered by me). I've been thinking about the Farmer Man often lately. I wish I had more of a clue. There is this attraction that I have and I can't get him out of my head sometimes. I am curious to know him more, but at the same time, I don't mind some distance because I don't want to think about a heartbreak or being violently looked at or seen the wrong way. I just don't know what is up with the Farmer man. There are a few other crushes. I'm sure I'll find more this weekend and have a good time with my own "As the Sarah Turns." I know I won't be getting serious with anyone there, but can keep my mind off things and attract myself to other men (depending). I still have plenty of other stuff on my mind, but this is all I will say in my solitude for now.