Thoughts and talk

This weekend was alright. I definitely have a busy month ahead of me and am excited that I won't be sitting around the house as much or bored. I'm also looking forward to my knitting hobby. I won a free raffle with a free baby pattern book and it is a small thrill and blessing for me. I also have a class coming up where I will learn to make a baby sweater. I'll eventually make a sweater for myself but I will be learning the basics of clothing. I've already learned quite a bit of accessories and am excited to branch off of the basics and throw in a mix of things to come up with my own creations for accessories. I think I'm going to be looking for a part time job sooner that I would have originally planned. I've already been jobless long enough, but before I wait to get a full time, I have to have at least some kind of financial relief. Speaking of, I think I've already been tested too much and it has already been past the point of no return with my patience, but I got a laugh today when Anderson tested my patience with finances. Well Anderson, like Kathy Gifford anyway (I think Griffin and her have shares) I do have times where I don't take myself so seriously. The Kathy drama is still going on. I really havn't been paying too much close attention but have some attention. I claim myself as anorexic to her having any shares with either of their names and play the role of "friends are just close enemies." I still hate that I feel I can't get rid of various friends of my past. I hate that I know to this day I sometimes still get judged by past associations.

In other thoughts. The spotlight of the baby's father is growing. I'll start calling him John now. I don't really consider myself growing any warmer to him. I think I'm realizing some things more for myself though: I just don't trust him in a number of ways. I may be more detailed or elaborate in later times. I can say while I know we are not engaged or getting married or anything; I look at him like Linda looks at Adam in the movie "Anger Management." If we were ever together or if I were to ever move in (and if I ever had the money to really do anything for myself) I really would see it as Anger Management. I'm sure he probably already has his bad thoughts and talk about me. That is part of my point: He is his first priority. While it is his free will to put himself first, I would never let myself be more damned than how my life has been damned by so many other things for him. It was never my fault to be this damned to begin with. But, I would do everything in my ability to prevent him from having any more control over damnation or hurting me for himself.
I think there are some people who are being nice to him so everything stays calm and where there is no serious drama. I don't have any strong feelings about it, and it is something he is on his own on. In just the day I was with him, I did find him to be attractive. I like Pitbull's music. I have already naturally gotten my groove on before there was ever a share with John. In just the night, it would have a better picture painting of what the real setting of the night was and that we both knew we were having fun. I still don't have too much trust in what the matrix says. I don't know if it is true or not if he has really been with my sister or has any kind of attachment or if he wants to use her to control me. I don't care if Pitbull makes it popular; Hell no with you me and my sister John. HELL NO



I know the video's story line or lyrics aren't an accurate match either.

I know a player is a player, but my sister? I'm not crazy about his other player moves either. He is still not on my good side.

In other thoughts, it varies with how my blogs are bridged with other people. Especially with how the Chicago theme has gone, I think he is going to be the type to have a victimization contest over gossip and exploits. I think he is going to want to be trapping about it with the technicalities.

I don't really have a lot of other things on my mind right now.