I know I deserve a better respect

You have a lot of nerve to keep playing me off and ignoring me like you do. It's going to be your own fault when I make the juvenile, snobby, and immature stranger out of you that you are. The "Pamela Adlon" role looked obvious enough, and so did your affair with Stacy. I don't know whether you have a recent one or not. I remember the sadistic and chauvinistic comment the creepy Sam boy made in regards to Stacy. I know you're being an unfair jealous creeper and the immature way you keep playing it all off is making things worse and me more angry. You're still desperately wanting to prove I'm too naïve for you aren't you? David when you're being a nigger with me and in your nigger land; you should start thinking more in how I perceive you and recognize that once again you're your own fool. Who were you ever to think you should control the things I think against people? Who were you ever to think you had any worthy fight or challenge against me? You're being nothing but a shady fascist snobby pig with me, and I know I deserve a better respect than that. I'M NOT BENEATH YOU OR YOUR BULLSHIT. I'd have more respect for the man who would look at me to say: "Yes I am here to rape you in the worse way to your face. I'm your Ike Turner juggernaut, bitch! I don't know who you thought you were ever trying to kid when taking me on with Stacy, Bree Ann, or Erin. You've been such a COWARD and a child about it that doesn't know how to take being confronted by me. I can't stand the way you would keep playing your shady game and expect me to be just peaches and cream with you. You're a fascist creepy stranger. I deserve an explanation as to why you would trash talk me with Pamela Adlon in Californication. I do assume it was your gangrape for Stacy, and as long as you keep snubbing me the way you do, the worse things are and the more of a juvenile and nigger I see you as. You're a fascist child. You wish you could keep putting more things on me to make me your underdog. I have no idea why you would still want to care about having any kind of relationship with me when you get like that. I still have other reasons than that to stay angry against you.

Red Gray

Some questions answered, some not. .... Media homework talk: I still think you're shady with the gay issue. Maybe you are and you mean to be in the closet. Maybe relationships with women matter more. I didn't like whatever that article was supposed to be with Steve the other day. You might think I'm over sensitive, but I feel insulted and embarrassed with you being a foul mouth with me in front of everyone... I know I'm supposed to be locked up in your gray right now. The whole Tomboy thing. Maybe you do get jealous over the way I sometimes dress. Maybe unless you are with me, you don't want me going out in public looking so nice. You expect a pretty domestic faithfulness from me when you're still cheating on me in the background. I've already cried over being your Coco, and I hate being Coco more than anything. It matters to me to feel the most loved and put first when I'm in a relationship with a man. It is so selfish of you to want to hang onto me and want to keep me with your "she'll do" vibe. You make up my mind for me. While I have no plans for another man yet, when I jet, I really know how to jet. You helped me jet from Steve to you, but until I feel I can jet, I won't. ...I like to get out on occasion. I sometimes like to dress up and look pretty and feel attractive because I can. You havn't been here with me and it isn't fair for you to have such an expectation when you know you're not even around or even in my life.......... Rachael Ray. (In a quick note, I havn't always been thrilled over Rachael Ray because she sounds like Maggie a little and reminds me of Maggie a little)... Anyhoo, in those dating plays, I know you were keeping me played with someone else. It was kind of funny when they played and made me up back against you with the older couple afterwards with Kathy and her guy. I'm still not friends with Kathy, but some people want to be there to support me in some ways anyway with: "we're watching you, David." Although I'm a rat in some right (still not knowing all the other women you keep me played with) My submission and geisha is what is perfect FOR YOU. You at least have some love for me and in me being submissive to you....... While there is some affection and love, I don't feel loved enough and feel sorrow for myself. I'm really upset. Being Coco is one of the meanest torments. While I may not be a match enough for you; I believe there could be a match out there who would have a serious appreciation of me. I can't believe Janet Jackson got herself pregnant at her age. I hope all goes well with her pregnancy. ... Until you let me go, I can only keep being submissive because I can't take your reds and your violence. BTW, you're still too much of a snobby Don Draper for me. This is another factor that makes me make up my mind. Why should I care anyway? Because if I'm forced to be in some kind of relationship with you; I can't stand the status quo of it and the way you think it should be normal and acceptable when I think it is inhumane. Maybe it is for the better when I shouldn't get led on to you or stuck on you anymore than what I am. Maybe you being the same Don Draper is for my better to be ready for my next jet mode.