Dear Tom

I love you. I do like your first job title better. The thrill of asking about the description is too thrilling and actually a little scary. ahahah I'd really want to be just yours. I am actually going to apologize for doubting your ability to challenge me. Whether or not you mean it (it looks like you do with the long elaboration) I take it as a compliment. I know I can think big, but when I am focused on my present survival, my present survival cannot be ignored. Although I don't want to admit I'm bleeding, I'm bleeding. Not everyone is a shark but I bleed in ways you may or may not get..... and how could you keep me in pain like that?................... You really don't look like you're rejecting me in anyway, so I'm going to somehow stay around you. Am I really the only lady you are a lady's man with? Yeah right Tom, just admit you have a lot of women who want you. You don't seem to be intentionally threatening in anyway today................... I don't like Jay Lo or Jessica's arbitrage because they said something terrible about my baby. I don't ever want Mitzi to compare or identify me to her when she gets older. I have never said or even thought something like that to Mitzi. No she doesn't have my forgiveness. I didn't see the awards show. I obviously missed whatever happened there. I do remember that one movie you were in a long time ago. I think it was Harold and Kumar wasn't it? Maybe Ben Stiller. They get stranded in the jungle and you were the one who was their boss and left them to fend for themselves and refused to rescue them. It was almost as if you were a darker version of me who was yelling at Shawn and Eric through you. Maybe you had a backwards way of yelling at me for the killer I was. Not 100% sure of the socialism of it all. I knew I was really the defenseless one with no power. They were putting my survival at stake and driving me insane with the violent chauvenists and assholes they were. If you were a white knight; I very do much appreciate you, and I appreciate the way you would either wake them up to how angry I feel, or the punishment/karma. I still don't believe in karma. Maybe you have kept your eye on me for a while? I love you Tom. Not 100% sure about your history and especially your last marriage. I noticed the end of the Mission Impossible and the two other women she looked like. Am I already another divorcee, or was that another strategy to lead me on? Maybe you love Zoey more..................... You give me more reason to be scared for the mystery you have with truth of both your history and your secrets. Maybe not everything is a secret or maybe you could have conversations waiting for me. .................. I feel a little burned already from some things that have already happened, but like I said, you don't look like you come across as intentionally being a threat or rejecting today. ..................................... I just can't get you out of my head

Too much static

Not completely sure if I'm understanding you Tom. There are times where I feel where it is fun with you and I, but I don't completely trust what is going on. Am I talking to the real you, or are people using you to manipulate me? Not just manipulating me for their sake but what if you're being talked about and it is or isn't the truth? It is too difficult right now to completely trust in anything. Maybe you have such a bigger madness about trusting the truth and that is why you would become a scientologist. I don't want to go there yet and religion isn't in my head right now. ...............I love some of the company you give if it is the truth.....some company I'm not sure of....Tom, about the movies.... I'm already behind on the Netflix list I have. Sometimes it is hard to watch movies around the house when I do have the time because I do have a baby around. I will make the time though. Not just because you tell me to either. I love to explore. Some frustration still with pretend and how it counts in spending time with you and getting to know you. I know I'm nonchalantly having somewhat of a conversation; sometimes my own blogs or talk keep me calm. I feel relieved you understand there is serious stuff going on in my life. Survival isn't simple. There is still such a pressure and waiting and angst. I feel left a little hanging. I'm so anxious. Even if the obvious assumptive suggestion on the table is never met or come in to place, you have a piece of my heart. What a fact of life you are. You are the reason to having some of my anxiety and it is harder to keep to myself. Sorry if Tom doesn't want Sarah to speak but speak, Sarah must. ....goodnight xoxoxoxoxo