Random Thoughts

Made it to 3.5 miles running the full time today. I had already hit just 3 miles a month ago, but I'm just going to give myself a brag anyway that I can run the full distance.
I definitely have a lot of things to be angry about and things about life to have all sorts of emotions for. I sometimes have some good emotions, but others bad which can lead to feeling severely terrorized.
I can tell there is some communism that keeps taking control of my life. I don't know who the architect is right now. The one thing I can tell is that he/she definitely wants me to commit suicide. Same problems, same people, same stories said over and over and there is neither point nor end. I have a pretty hateful architect on my back that obviously lives to terrorize me and wishes for me to commit suicide. But, I'm very blind to whoever this architect is and whatever purpose and whatever picture........... I have my own way of telling this architect to commit suicide back or wish the worst on them, but it is just another problem that is impossible.......
I havn't known how to end and/or resolve so many of my problems for a long time. The clock keeps ticking and there has been nothing yet to prove......
I sense that there is some kind of support still out there but my most serious demands still are not met. It seems endless and the architect sadistically wants to keep taking their good old time.....

Some happy thoughts..... Although I hate the sad story of my obvious poverty and dogmatic poor person statistic, the comfort of listening to music gives me comforting thoughts anyway. I Still love Coldplay and Chris Cornell and plenty of other artists. The architect wants to ruin some other music I appreciate with their own terrorism but I still know I exist and give the credit to the obvious real singer.
I'm still not enthralled with being a crafter. However, I like the few extra opportunities I have for the spring and summer to make money but still want to save the most for the winter and the fall. It is good news though that I have a few more opportunities to try to make money.
The winter time stinks with trying to keep Mitzi entertained. We get tired of some of the same things. I found a place to take her out tonight so I'm excited for finally getting out with Mitzi. There have also been a few more jobs to apply but not a whole lot of opportunities or promising places yet. I may take myself out again tomorrow night but feel indifferent to going out.
I can tell there are some people who are hungry to know what I think of the baby's father. I just don't care about sharing what I think of him. I think he is a grotesque, barbaric, and a hateful loser. Through someone's system, it seems like he lives to be a vulture and lives to hate on me. It is as if he has hated me for a lifetime and is desperate to say so and do so. I havn't looked up to him from day one. The way he has continued to ignore me and seem to endlessly have a domination game is grotesque as well. He is desperately, grotesquely, and terrorizingly judgemental. He obviously has abandoned us and I don't trust him with Mitzi that much at all. I don't think he would be a good father and someone like him would make her life miserable anyway. I feel somewhat safe with the separation that is here but still feel helplessly terrorized on some occassions. If it makes anything easier with being harassed less, I will let him give himself the credit of rape. I obviously do feel overpowered and helpless in someone's structured world and know that there is nothing I can do about the barbarian he is. Some instances of support don't do a whole lot for me. Yeah, it is good that I feel a little less helpless, but there are still not a lot of my problems solved. I don't see anything going anywhere. Someone's cheap efforts to make a quick fix.
Despite some horrid history that I've lived through with some men, I feel the need to announce that I still am a straight woman regardless. I don't need any lesbian harassment either or feeling another way of being ignored that someone isn't taking a hint.
Snowflake
Snowflake
Snowflake     Despite such horrifying history and odds; I may find the right man one day.