Dear Jon

This week.....nothing new on my end but I can tell you must want to chat anyway, so we can talk about you...well I'll probably end up talking about myself too. This week it is either that you intentionally want me to be confused or you have a load of a sincere splatter of thoughts and emotions about a lot of things.... In talking about you, I think you're pulling me on you anyway. Maybe you are desperate to use me to prove something or save your ego even though you sometimes present yourself as not thinking a lot of me. But either way, yes Jon, you are a very sexually attractive man or just plan attractive. It isn't really that you're in your older years, it is our personal history where I have my own emotional feelings where you may be frustrated that you don't have much control. I have always hated your very hatefully aggressive actions and attacks, but maybe I'll find ways to lie or have a hooker heart. Maybe I will make my own home made video dancing to this song and post it every time that I think you may need more affirmation that I think you're sexy: I've always been a fan of Rod Stewart whether or not you're paranoid. I would find it a little funny if you did have a share with Rod. I used some of his music as my baby music. Some 80s I just love. ....An earlier brainstorm I was thinking along the lines of was the idea of savagry, but it is a thought that I think I will ramble over another day.... In other thoughts, it is about me. I can only be so friendly until I run out and am just simply being real. I continue to have a lot of issues. Although you make some passes at me, I'm more sold on that you have more females that you put before me and would rather war against me for them. I really was offended last night at the way you were testing me when hitting on me in the food insinuation. Firstly it offends me that you think I would be shallow and immature like that where it is just only about attraction and yay you finally think I'm pretty enough for you. Next, is where I use my own sense of reason where you must be angry about having elaborated on the idea of objectification and with the food and actions of making my own chicken wings, I must now be the sex object of a cook. However you are trying to come off, I think you're being dumb again. Rather than warring more over the idea of objectification, I would steer it more into you being the typical player man playing the typical player game. Women are likely differing in having their own ways and levels of putting out and my best assumption is that you are setting me up for a subjective torment where someone wants to entitle themselves to judge me and call the shots when whoever I am with is none of their business to begin with. But because you are a hateful man, you probably would set up something like that to torment me on purpose because you know just how much I "love" hearing the shot calling of other people. I was also angry earlier and was going to go through another list of the same complaints that I've already gone over, but I'll just sum it up to say that I have still remained ridiculously oppressed over too long a period of a time. I really don't know what is I'm supposed to do. I'm sure some really do want me to roll over and die and they can just go fuck themselves. But sadly, this same oppressed gist of song has remained the same: Of course you know I would never blame Mitzi or resent her in anyway. People are still bitter over my own blamelessness, including you. Besides your confusion, I really do believe more in your darkness and despair. I do sob to myself sometimes at knowing I'm living alone and will most likely die alone with how things go and the way people are. The sob is not a begging sob either. It isn't how I want it to be, but if life is the way it is, than I would rather die alone. Try doing everything for Mitzi until then, but that is how it is.