As the Sarah Turns: huuuh and ouch

I am taking a hit right now. I really did already feel overfucked in the mind and needed a restful breather and especially after running a personal 5k. I feel in a position to have 2 masters and I am afraid. ouch. I'll talk about you guys before I get into the other ones. Maybe it is a little bisexual now and a little bit of a threesome. Maybe David is wanting to give me up, but I can't trust that yet. I still have to call him master for now. Travis, I'm really not happy with the way things have been going with David. I don't want another Jon, or Dane, or David to eventually include in the list. Some guys will always want what they can't have then rob the bitch. It wasn't that I was totally ignorant when looking at a Don Draper. When the Don Draper makes the choice to go for me; it is on them. Equality is not just a suggestion it is a YES YES YEEEAAHYESSS! I hate that I have to say that for myself and I hate that I have to call you both "master" anyway. Travis, right now you have a blank slate with me and I know I don't know much of you. I've already gossiped about and said things to David's face. I'm so heartbroken over his unfair stockholms and just how violently mean he gets. I feel like he is desperate to rob me more than anything. I can't make some men understand enough how lethal some of their words and actions can be. David is too mean and insensitive. I really don't know why he wants me or wants to keep me around after saying some of the things he says. He has been a little more quiet for some period of time, but I still call him master. It's almost impossible to stay out of trouble with David. David, I think you are sick and insane for the way you intentionally leave me to hang without answering any of my most imperative questions. I don't feel won or like I have David won. I'm mad because it seems we are back to back with the waiting game and while I'm waiting for his answers, I feel like he waits for me to compromise and I've been pretty upset about it. Whatever his "what you see is what you get" suck its are; I tell David to suck it right back. I won't suck that dick for the dick that it has been. Travis, if you are meant to be another matrix reoccurring "Mr. Smith" of Jon or David's and want me to settle for your bigamist, the answer is seriously "no" again. Travis, I am hurt by you and the way you're not controlling your lust or possible emotions anyway. You are adding onto my drama. You break my heart. I really want you to leave me alone if you're going to be another problem. I even know that no man can serve two masters including women and there is no wise choice to make in this scenario. ............ The brave Travis that made a very obvious person to person and out of the mind several passes at me today: He could be someone I could consider. I don't know how much his truth is of Travis Pastrana's, but this particular Travis made a friendly impression on me. He has a kind way of throwing himself on me. One major thing against him is that he looks like Ryan/ Herman. I could never see myself in a relationship with Ryan/Herman. He has been a friend at a time, but I just don't think I could ever have feelings for him like that. He looks a little like Dustin Bosley, and I would consider Dustin to be a Russian for his association with Erin. This specific Travis really doesn't have me a lot, but he could be someone to consider. Maybe I am being given another loud secret that Travis Pastrana has some responsibility in "rigging" things. My rig complaints have been seriously negative rig complaints. I don't know what Pastrana's specific riggings are. I hope things won't be awkward when I see the other Travis again. I have some appreciation of his kindness but I can only want to take things very slow with him........................... until then, this is my soap box "dog food" at this time.